I am a thousand words...or more...

Ahhh, the wonders of packing up your stuff for a move...you stumble upon old boxes with trinkets of old inside, waiting to be rediscovered. Well, I rediscovered some of my old trinkets, underneath my bed...pictures...loads of them. So much for trying to get all my packing done tonight, cuz I totally got caught up looking at those pictures. I just spent the past 3 1/2 hours listening to the soft, rhythmic pitter-patter of the falling rain outside, some KIIS FM, and looking through hundreds and hundreds of pictures...wow, I didn't realize I had so many, and from so many different moments in my life. Pictures really are worth a thousand words...actually more. Some people change so much throughout the years, and some, not so much. Some are in a lot of the pictures, throughout the years, some, not so much. I couldn't believe how much emotion was being drawn from me looking at these pictures...it was amazing. It was so awesome reminiscing over old pics of friends past, present, and those people that only took a glimpse into our lives. I really need to put them in an album. I even found two rolls of undeveloped film and I'm going to get them developed first thing in the morning...and I'm quite anxious to see what those pictures can be of. I wonder one day when i am long gone, if someone will find these pictures and wonder what we were doing in them. Will they pick one up and say, wow, these people looked like they were having the best times of their lives...and they'll probably be right. Goodness, I'm sounding like I'm 100... Anyway, so like I said, I didn't get to really pack much, just reminisce...first with the roomie about old times and old relationships...it was a hilarious talk...then after he went to sleep, that's when I came upon those frozen moments in time.

My time in Irvine really is coming to a close...and fast. I look at the apt and as I slowly(big emphasis there) pack up stuff and put things in boxes, I notice how empty it's getting, and then I realize wow...I've been here for the past 7 years...and it's been a most memorable 7 years too. Kinda sad that this chapter of my life is coming to a close, but what new chapters may open, skies the limit. It's not like I'm moving to BFE or anything, but it IS a major event in my life...being that there is no woman, and no job...ha ha ha, gotta have somethin to talk about, right? Anyway, not much has happened thus far this week, mainly packing and making sure all the bills are being taken care of before we leave for mammoth this weekend. Ooooo, I 'm so excited for mammoth, it's been a while since I hit the slopes and we've been getting some nice rain, with more to come before the weekend is upon us. Yay!

"Never forget your past...it has brought you to where you are at this very moment..."

I am a mack truck...

It's been a good weekend so far...Friday night, me the roomie and some friends went to Tinz' b-day party at Broadway Bar and Grill. I had a nice buzz goin thanks to spending all my money and the 3 Wisemen(compliments of Ai), talked to people I haven't seen for a while, some more than others, met some new people, and got to dance all night, which was REALLY fun...I love dancing. There's no thought involved so it provides a type of escape I guess, kinda like listening to music, except you're moving. And with all the ish that's been on my mind as of late, it was a good release. Spent most of saturday at home helping pop in the garage, making sure he's not climbing up stuff and trying to carry things that are too heavy. Went to the gym, went to Ver's family party, then went to the apt and packed up the van with as much stuff as me and pop could with relative ease. Got back to LA, unloaded my things and pop went to bed earlier than normal. So I've been just spending this time alone pondering on the ever-developing story that is my life, and other stories also, I think. Wondering where things are heading and how it will all end, and well...I'm just waiting for the next chapter to start, I guess.

Boom
It's crazy when things just hit you. I was sitting in the apt for like 5 minutes before me and pop headed back towards LA and I just took a quick glance around the apt, and the thought came to me that by next week, I will no longer be living in this apt, that I will no longer be living in Irvine, that I will no longer have roomates, but my family in my place of residence. And I was again, saddened. And I think it's mostly been saddening that peopel who have been like my brothers, I will no longer be rooming with, the roomate life...that's what I'm gonna miss the most. I don't care what people tell me about living back home home w/ their folks, to me, it's not the same. Not for the worse, nor for the better, but just two totally different scenarios. And personally, I like the personal space given by being out on your own...it's all about preference, and to each his/her own.

Thumbs up
-Lakers
-dancing
-quality time

Thumbs downs
-Ambiguity, why?
-People getting sick
-"The Road to Recovery"
-Moving

"Life and love is about making the impossible possible"

I am an empty box...

I have lil less than 8 days before I officially have to move all of my stuff out of this place and eventually to LA, but I seem to have only accomplised 5-10% of this task. I've really hit a rut as of late, and I don't seem to be doing anything about it. It's funny when you're in a rut, cuz you refuse to see any positives or looking for a way out...well maybe you look for a way out and you see it, but you don't want to take the step towards it. Anyway, so that's me thus far...lazy, complacent, and to any pundit...simply "out of it." Hopefully my resolve to assert my self and step out of this quicksand is stronger than my reluctance to do pretty much anything, except be on the internet.

I am a frozen computer....

Computers are so weird...everyone could access blogger but me, but now I can...weird...

This post is actually coming at 2:33 AM on the 19th of February, 2003...

For some reason, Blogger is down right now...so I'm actually doin this on WordPad and pasting it at whatever time it is when Blogger becomes available again. Sheesh, the geeky, freaky and somewhat unconventional loyalty I feel towards updating my blog...yeah yeah shiyat up. I've realized that Tuesdays are my total lazy day...the only reason I leave the apt on this day is because I have class. And today, with the exception that I went to Steamer's tonight(Granted, it was AFTER class), was no different. I guess it's just ingrained somewhere in this lil brain of mine..."Jay, it's tuesday, thou shall not do anything but lay around the house."

The parentals are coming tomorrow, I'm kinda excited. This will be the first time that they have come to my apt in over a year...since pop had the stroke, they haven't been able to come and visit because pop doesn't drive anymore and mom doesn't drive freeways, why, I have absolutely no clue. So Jos is gonna drive them down cuz they have to pick up her diploma and she has some sort of meeting...I don't know. But it'll be cool to show them the projector and have a final look at the apt before I move back to LA...plus they can take some of my ish home. So I'm gonna wake up and work out earlier than usual and spend the day with them before bible study.

If you missed the Laker game today, you certainly missed out. Yao vs. Shaq II wasn't materialized because of Shaq's ailing knee...so instead, it turned out to be Kobe vs. Yao, and Kobe obliterated him and dropped 52 on his 7'5" frame...along with the exclamation, absolute posterization...that kid is freakin Amazing, and to think, he is younger than me...AND some of YOU out there...I remember the days when I was like 10 years younger than the NBA players I idolized...now I'm either not much younger, peer-level, or even older than some of these guys...age is a funny thing.

I'm gonna get me a desktop sometime next week or the week after. Believe it or not, I survived all throughout college without the aid of a personal computer(And I was in engineering for God-sake), due to the help of the old OAC now NACS and other such computer lounges. Also, the roomie had a desktop AND a laptop, which I was able to take advantage of. Plus, he's going to let me borrow it until I get my desktop...roomies are cool. There's a deal out there for a Dell computer package WITH a 19" LCD screen(those are pretty cool) for like $900, so JOE...there ya go...we can be computer twins...he he he. Well, it's getting quite late and I should be gettin some rest.

Appreciations for the day...
The way music affects your heart
Knowing you brought someone laughs when they were down
Being "approachable"
Silly conversations

I'm quite excited about my second interview today @ 3...Hopefully, I get a response sometime in the next week or two to find out about whether or not I'm in, so I can start making some decisions about what I'm gonna do for a while. It's still kinda all up in the air, I guess. Anyway, I was thinking and talking about this whole terrorist threat stuff and we were debating about targets. And we came to the conclusion that we didn't think places with military strongholds or bases for that matter would be considered. One, the ever increased security would be too hard to get to. As we can see, terror attacks haven't always occured at the most secure places in the world. Secondly, the targets always seem to be major centers where there are a lot of people, i.e. NYC, places that had no clue they would be hit up. It's just crazy that the way things are...you just have to be prepared for anything. Sometimes I don't wanna buy in to all the hoopla about buying duct tape and emergency food supplies and such...but I gues you have to be ready, just in case. I'm having lunch w/ a friend of mine today, and being that it's already 11:25, maybe I should start getting ready...he he he

Wow, I think I'm really just starting to be more affected by the grim realities of life nowadays. Gas, is one issue, but I'm sure we call all talk about that til the cows freakin come home...and we can't really avoid it...so next subject. I never really knew the seriousness of the Terrorist Alert being on high until I went to pick up my mom from work last night. Two armed guards were standing in front of the hospital...A HOSPITAL, I tell you. Albeit, it IS a Federal building, VA Hospital, but it's crazy. The guards were checking the ID's of every person going in, esp. if they were staff. Note, that this was @ midnight. So apparently, you cannot wait there anymore when you're picking someone up, because of the increased level in alert. I told them I was waiting for my mom, so they asked me to pull around to the parking lot where I can still see the front doors and drive up when I saw my mom walking out. So naturally, i wait and I thought I saw her walking out, so I drove back up...I wait for a sec, realize it wasn't her but before I could pull away, 3 cars pull up out of nowhere, sirens blazing, and guards coming out. Luckily, I see mom walking up at a little distance inside, and the guards ask me what I'm doing...I told them I was picking up my mom and that I could see her, and pointed to her. Coincidentally, there was someone causing a raukus right there in front, so they had to call in for some backup. It's just crazy to see how quickly they respond though...and to think even more about it, how serious this threat really is. I keep praying that by some miracle, all this comes to an instant resolve, but I know just how slim that possibility is. Sometimes, I think about if we were attacked by an alien race, cuz then we'd HAVE to unite...like in ID4 or something...or Star Trek...I don't know. Just wishful thinking? But I guess I don't mind the added security and attention to small details because, at least you know we are aware...

"Let there be peace on earth, and let it begin with me..."

I am Cupid's missed target....

Chugachugachuga....
Another semi-productive day in the life of Jay, on a non-rainy day...he he he. Thought I'd start off with a lil rhyme. Anyway, today, I had lunch w/ Mae(Yoshinoya...Y to the U to the M baby!) and I got to see her workplace, which was cool. I wanted to hit the gym again today, but I was muy sore, so I thought better of it. Watched some friends, read a little(By the way, avoid trying to read 3 books simultaneously, it's kinda hard), and hit the lanes, the bowling ones that is...Thursday is always bowling nite... I got a pathetic 114 on the first and a lil better w/ a 150 on the second...it's kinda sad how I haven't really improved much in the 3+ years that me and the boys have been rollin balls. Sad, but hey, what can you do? But what I like about the Irvine lanes is that they have Silent Scope there...I love that game, and sometimes I think about the days when I wanted to be a sniper or sharpshooter...ahhhhh. Anyway, they have that DDR(Dance Dance revolution) game there, and the people that play it totally trip me out. It's one thing to be really good at it, cuz I for one, wouldn't be that good if I tried to play. So I give props to those that do it. But it's another thing when someone's playing and their friends are either next to them or behind them doing the moves! It is a sight to see man, and me and the boys were totally laughin. We said we'd make up a foot stomping routine and do it on the machine like them, and not even play...just to show them how ridiculous they look. Those people are hard core...I guess there must be a plus to that somewhere, but I'd rather not expend my energy thinking about what that plus could be.

I need to get a new PC for when I move back home, but I need to wait for a good deal to pop up. Nothing too hardcore, but I do want those LCD monitors...those are so PHAT, but I think I'll just wait til those prices scooch down a lil. Speaking of prices, what's up with gas man...I hate when gas goes up, cuz it makes me not wanna go anywhere. But unfortunately, gas is one of those perpetual expenses we will find quite difficult to resolve in the near future. But what gas up, must come down....I hope.

So it's Valentine's Day...and, as it is customary with the Jay Bermudez tradition, I have no plans. Oh well...nothing new in my book, so it doesn't really bother me. Me and a friend of mine were talking about V-day and people's takes on it. Some love it, some believe it's a ridiculous holiday. To me, as I said, doesn't really matter. But if I HAD someone special...I'd do something special on that day. Not because it's the ONE day of the year to do something special, but just because it's symbolic of that day...it's like dedicated to lovers. For those that think it's kindof a dumb holiday, I would have to disagree. The whole, "Everyday should be special btwn two people" argument does not go with me. Take for example, Christmas or Mother's Day...do you say, I think mother's day is stupid because everyday we should appreciate them? No, we do something special for them that day because it's like a widespread celebration for all mothers...you see other moms and wish them a happy mother's day. I guess I would say the same goes for Cupid's special day...to congratulate all lovers...or something to that effect. I don't really know where I'm going with this...it just popped into my head and kinda got stuck in the cobwebs in here... But nonetheless, be you 1/2 of a happy couple, or 1 of a happy soloist, HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!

"What counts is not necessarily the size of the dog in the fight - it's the size of the fight in the dog"
-Dwight D. Eisenhower

Although it was raining pretty much all day, I have to say it was quite productive. I had lunch with my friend Alaina(Mimi's cafe). We ordered so much freakin food we looked like we hadn't eaten in weeks. 2 soups, a salad, fries, grilled cheese sandwich and a le royal turkey sandwich...it was funny. After that, I went to the post office, mailed some bills and bought a new book of stamps...seven freakin dollars man, what a gip. After that, came back home, organized my files and stuff, and then went to class, ate dinner talked to a few friends, and now, after some internet stuff, for an interview(which, I will elaborate upon shortly), am going to bed to get some rest.

So I have an interview tomor...well, today. At 10:30 AM, and I decided to do some research on the company I'm interviewing. Being that they don't have a website(it's still under construction), I had to find some other info and learn as much as I could. It's a company that designs and manufactures stainless steele grills...and there's a lot of info out there... So now, I can go in feeling more knowledgeable about the product and general concepts of grill design, guages...heat transfer..blah blah blah, look at me, I'm growing. So appreciation for the day has to go to the internet...the vast information that it provides at the click of a mouse...

Rain Rain!!!
Finally! Rain! I love it! But returning from lunch and errands, I found out there are some bad things about rain...well for me at least. Namely the lack of insulation on my head(i.e. baldness). For one thing, it's freakin freezing outside, and I forgot my beanie. The other thing I realized about hair, which I always took for granted, is that hair serves kinda like a mini sponge for rain...it falls on your head and wicks up into your hair and you can always shake that off and it kinda, in a way, keeps it out of your face. I don't have such a luxury...the rain was falling on my head and dripping straight down into my face. When I got into the post office, it looked like I was washing myself outside in the rain. Everyone else, that had hair, for that matter, had a dry face and wet hair...I was just....well...wet. Weird epiphany of the essence of baldness, I guess...only me, ha ha ha.

Et plubius et delirium
That means absolutely nothing other than to show just how awake and goofy I'm feeling, yet so tired and brain-drained. So how in the heck does counting sheep help you to fall asleep? I mean, why sheep? And what's the purpose of it? Are you just supposed to keep counting til you lose track and eventually, out of utter BOREDOM, fall asleep? 1...2...3...ummm...no, not helping. Hmmm, I tried it, and it doesn't work... Shit, I'll coun't the freakin little bumps on my ceiling if it would help me fall asleep, but it's just not working. I mean, if there was more to do right now, like if I had work or something, or there were other people up @ this time, I wouldn't be complaining so much. The torturing thing about bouts with insomnia, is that you're in the ring with that sucker...alone. No one else is up w/ you...sheesh, what I wouldn't give for some nice sedatives right about now...wait a second, what about that Nitol stuff...I remember the commercial said something like, "Nitol, to help you get your zzz's." I wonder if that stuff is even still around, I think that was like 15 years ago or something. Plus, I'm too freakin lazy to get my lil tail off to the pharmacy to pick some up, even if it did exist still. So here sit, another hour slowly creeping by, as I hear the "tick-tock" of the clock in the dining room...the sounds of keys being pressed drilling into my head, wind outside the window, and the refridgerator making that strange noise it always makes(do ALL fridges do that?). Just went pee and drank some water...hmmm, maybe I shouldn't have done that, that's not such a smart thing to do...fill the bladder right back up after you empty it...nice one Jay. Time to go lay down and count some bumps...oooh, maybe I'll count...well how about that, I lost my own thought mid-thought...and that is a signal that I need to stop writing...

Sleepless...
I've been quite saddened to hear lately that people just don't serve anymore. And by "serving," I'm not even speaking in terms of church, although that was what sparked it. People at my old church don't serve anymore, and they were even thinking about cancelling that service because of the lack of participation. The church I go to when I'm in LA, also has a major lack of participation... And to me, that was just the beginning. Everyone just expects things to come to them sometimes, and it's just saddening that so many people try to take advantage of each other for our own selfish benefits. Weird, it seems like I talked about this before, but oh well...I guess things that continue to repeat themselves in your mind, need to be expressed.

The all-star game today was a complete tribute to Jordan, in my opinion. From the intro's to Carter stepping aside for Jordan to start, to the half-time show, to even almost having him take the winning shots, both in regulation and in overtime. It was a pretty good game I guess...and played competitively, no pity scores given out. But it's crazy to come to the realization that we have just witnessed the greatest basketball player in the history of the sport itself play his final all-star game. Speaking strictly in terms of sports, as I was conversing w/ my friends the other day, we have witnessed thus far, in our lifetimes, THE greatest athletes in their respective sports...amazing. And to think most of us are still soooo, young(notice, I said MOST of us, he he he), I wonder what more there is to see...lots, I presume.

Once again, I have found trouble sleeping...it is closing in on 3AM Feb 10, 2003 and I feel like I am totally wide awake...yet I haven't slept much all day. I wonder how it's possible that a physically exhausted body just cannot find the rest it requires...mind over matter I guess? But that's weird, cuz my mind is so blank right now...well, maybe not so much, otherwise, I wouldn't be writing right now. So I guess I'll go outside, smoke myself a cigarette and go to my room and read myself into total boredom, and then, maybe I can catch a few zzz's?

Man, it is SOOOO hard to stay sane without a job sometimes. I've been trying to stay productive this whole week, but I tell ya, it's been quite a struggle. Watching movies, taking friends to work, applyin for jobs, and workin out and playing basketball...that's been my routine all week. I should be doing a bunch of other stuff, like packing my stuff..since I'm moving back to LA in like 2 weeks... I'm so reluctant though, why? I don't know...just am. Anyway, no big plans for the weekend...just a housewarming/b-day party tonight and another one tomorrow, then it's to LA. I'm trying to remember if I did anything worth mentioning lately...hmmm...nothin....

"So what's my motivation here?"
So endeth one of my laziest days this year thus far. Well, second laziest, the first being my super duper hangover last week after my b-day celebration. I seriously did nothing but sit here all day until 6:30 when I went to class and then came back. I worked out at home, and remember being at home always takes away from a workout because there are just far too many distractions there. So my workout was limited to pushups and situps but I guess any workout is better than no workout. So it was mainly DVD and internet day for me and when I think about it, it's crazy how we can spend an entire day in front of the computers(no offense to all those w/ jobs), and how much of our lives are beginning to depend on the internet...well not really DEPEND on the net, cuz there are those people that don't even use the net at all. But it does make a lot of things easier, speaking of course only as using it as a media for communication. If it wasn't for the net, no cross-country chatting at a relatively cheap price... But anyway, so I was totally lazy today, and I've been feeling like that lately, for the past couple of days, and I've only done stuff cuz I HAD to, not really wanted to...I wonder what's wrong. So I thought I'd end this lazy day with something productive, and that even seems to have been a miserable attempt.

Amazing human tricks...
I've only had like 2 hours of sleep today, I'm amazed that I'm still functioning, or not so much. But last night, at around 10PMish I went all the way to freakin Duarte for my old friend Jun's 30th b-day and laughed and played poker and mario-kart until 8 this morning. I didn't get home til 9AM and slept for 2 hours before mom woke me up to get ready for church. Went to church and then picked up London from Jos' house and went to Pomona for my cousin Jonah's b-day...it was really fun. Everyone absolutely loved London, as usual(what do you expect from a Bermudez baby! =p). And mom and pop had a lot of fun as well and I'm glad that I could take them there(since mom doesn't drive that far). I miss family parties like that...catching up with cousins and just chit-chatting and laughing the night away. We even had like a hotseat thing for my cousin, and it was really cool...everyone was giving in their two cents and words of wisdom and love. Only one other time I've seen that, and every time it's a pretty awesome thing, I think that should happen more often. But of course you have the occasional people who are your relatives but not really that think they know everything... I sat through the "this is where you should look for a job there's a lot of jobs out there" conversations with a couple people. It's like, "Hello? I've BEEN unemployed and looking for a job for a while now and you're telling me who's hiring where?" It was a bit annoying, but I know that they're only trying to help and get me on the right track, but I think I deserve a little bit of credit that I am being diligent enough on my jobsearch. But overall, it was a cool experience, and I'm really glad that I went. So here I am back at my folks' place, soon again to by my own place, at least for the mean time, and I can't believe I'm not asleep yet. I guess it's cuz I had like a gazillion hours of sleep yesterday. Yesterday, I was like only awake for like 5 hours...so I guess it all balances out. Funny how things equilibriate like that...

The weather has returned to January coldness again. Yay :) I hope that rain is in the forecast, I know most of you are probably giving me a big "boo" but "boo" on you! Muah ha ha ha ha....